Thursday, February 09, 2006
Who Would Jesus Spank?
Recently, I received this email - a great, honest pursuit of God's heart regarding discipline. My prayer is that this response will provide biblical clarity and insight into our hope in a fierce and, yet, tender God.
Mitch,
In Discipleship group... we decided to do a series about parenting ... the book "Shepherding a Child's Heart" was chosen as a guide. I just got a copy of the book from [our leader] and started browsing through it (He gave a "disclaimer" about the book saying it had mixed reviews and that he's not saying this is how we have to do things). Some of the discussion seemed to be right on, talking about how our goal should not just be to change behavior but to seek to look deeper to the child's heart for why they are behaving a certain way to be able to make true changes. I can understand this and the idea of shepherding--the staff would be the guiding, leading, instructing of a child. What I really am having difficulty with is the author's very strong insistence in regard to use of "the rod." I would interpret the shepherd's rod as the use of discipline and correction in raising a child. His interpretation is that this is God's COMMAND for us to spank our children when they are disobedient against God's laws. He does carefully clarify that this is not to be confused with any form of abusive behavior and must always be done in a calm way, explaining why they are being spanked, etc. I personally do not believe in spanking my kids, and definitely would not introduce it with a 10 and and almost 7 year old. Does [our parenting] class strongly advocate spanking or does it give other practical options for helping children understand there are consequences for their poor decisions. I appreciate a Biblical view for raising children, but I sure can't picture Jesus spanking anyone.
This is a great question and it goes way beyond the practice of spanking and well into theology. By definition, theology is our study or knowledge of God and it seems to me, based on that definition, that our theology may be the most critical thing about us.
Who is God?
With what is He most concerned?
What does He require of us?
How are his affections towards us?
Once we answer those questions, we can address the “how-to’s” in Scripture. You properly end your musing on spanking with “...I sure can’t picture Jesus spanking anyone” because it is a statement of theology. So let’s start there and work our way to the surface where the applications live.
One of the central contemplations of my life for the last several years has been the dynamics of my relationship with God. When I fail and sin will I be punished? When I am struggling, should I be trying to find the sin that caused my struggle? Isn’t the gospel message that God forgives my sin? Are there consequences to my actions or is everything random?
Now I want you to note something right away. Look at the questions I have been asking and consider this; who is the main character in my questions? Answer: me. My spiritual contemplations are about me. My sin, my punishment, my consequences and my forgiveness. My theology has been mostly about what God can do for me. But that has been changing as I read the Scriptures with new eyes. The gospel is about God – not me. My gospel has been a “Mitch-centered” gospel and that has allowed a subtle selfishness to prevail and has left me confused about my circumstances.
Certainly “For God so loved the world...” is true, but is that central issue of the gospel? We need to look at the rest of the book of John to examine this God and His motives. John is loaded with theology and answers to the question “With what is God most concerned?”
Consider the following statements:
1. The conclusion of Jesus miracle at the wedding in Cana:
John 2:11 This, the first of his signs, Jesus did at Cana in Galilee, and manifested his glory. And his disciples believed in him.
This first miracle was about manifesting His glory.
2. John the Baptist said this when his own disciples became concerned about Jesus’ competing ministry:
John 3:30 He must increase, but I must decrease.
By Jesus’ own admission, among those born of women there had arisen no man greater than John (Matt. 11:11) and John’s climatic statement about his own ministry was that Christ must increase. It is about Jesus not John.
3. In His dialogue with the Samaritan woman at the well in John 4, Jesus reveals what the Father is seeking:
John 4:23 But the hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father is seeking such people to worship him.
The Father is not looking first to bless us, He is seeking worshippers.
4. In John 6, Jesus is followed by the crowd who ate the multiplied fish and loaves and He proclaims how the Giver is much more than the gift.
John 6:26-35 Jesus answered them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, you are seeking me, not because you saw signs, but because you ate your fill of the loaves. Do not labor for the food that perishes, but for the food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give to you. For on him God the Father has set his seal.” Then they said to him, “What must we do, to be doing the works of God?” Jesus answered them, “This is the work of God, that you believe in him whom he has sent.” So they said to him, “Then what sign do you do, that we may see and believe you? What work do you perform? Our fathers ate the manna in the wilderness; as it is written, ‘He gave them bread from heaven to eat.’ ” Jesus then said to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, it was not Moses who gave you the bread from heaven, but my Father gives you the true bread from heaven. For the bread of God is he who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world.” They said to him, “Sir, give us this bread always.”
Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst.
This is critical. Jesus plainly states here that our hunger will never be satisfied in anything else but Himself. We will address the implications of that later, for now it is another building block in our theology. (A similar inference can be drawn from His statement on the last day of the feast in John 7:37-38)
5. In John 9, we encounter the familiar story of the blind man. The disciples were asking theological questions about his aliment but those questions were ultimately man-centered and Jesus corrects them.
John 9:1-3 As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And his disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.
This man’s blindness was not about sin, it was there to reveal the work of God. Very God-centered -so much so that one might wonder about God’s tenderness towards people if he allowed that much suffering in this man’s life so that He might reveal Himself. Now before that creates confusion, let’s just stand on that point. Our struggles are not necessarily first about us.
6. John Chapter 11 is one of my favorite passages in the bible. Here we see Christ’s tenderness clearly. Lazarus dies and his sisters Mary and Martha feel intense grief. Despite His understanding of the future and His control of all things, Christ enters their grief and weeps with empathy. What a God!!!! Honestly I would have been so impatient, so ready to stop the crying. I would be busy explaining how this was all going to work out without a shred of tenderness. But there is something very troubling about this story.
John 11:39-42 Jesus said, “Take away the stone.” Martha, the sister of the dead man, said to him, “Lord, by this time there will be an odor, for he has been dead four days.” Jesus said to her, “Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?” So they took away the stone. And Jesus lifted up his eyes and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this on account of the people standing around, that they may believe that you sent me.”
So Lazarus suffers and dies and his sisters go through 4 days of grief so that we might all see the glory of God? Add to this the notion that Jesus could have done something to prevent Lazarus’ death.
John 11:1-6 Now a certain man was ill, Lazarus of Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. It was Mary who anointed the Lord with ointment and wiped his feet with her hair, whose brother Lazarus was ill. So the sisters sent to him, saying, “Lord, he whom you love is ill.” But when Jesus heard it he said, “This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it.”
Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So, when he heard that Lazarus was ill, he stayed two days longer in the place where he was.
Now would not Jesus have been glorified by healing Lazarus before he died? Surely. But God is a fanatic for His own glory so Lazarus’ life was used for that purpose to the fullest, by raising him from the dead. This following God stuff really isn’t about us, at least to God it isn’t.
Well not totally. Remember that Jesus loved Martha, Mary and Lazarus SO He delayed His coming to them. This is counterintuitive. If He loved them wouldn’t He run to save them from this grief...quickly? Another piece of the theological puzzle.
7. Finally (and we are just scratching the surface in the book of John), look at Jesus’ prayer for the disciples and all believers in John 17. This is an important prayer on the night before he was crucified. How does He start this prayer?
John 17:1-5 When Jesus had spoken these words, he lifted up his eyes to heaven, and said, “Father, the hour has come; glorify your Son that the Son may glorify you, since you have given him authority over all flesh, to give eternal life to all whom you have given him. And this is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent. I glorified you on earth, having accomplished the work that you gave me to do. And now, Father, glorify me in your own presence with the glory that I had with you before the world existed.
This is an interesting way to start a prayer for others. That the Son might be glorified and give the Father glory. There’s more:
John 17:24 Father, I desire that they also, whom you have given me, may be with me where I am, to see my glory that you have given me because you loved me before the foundation of the world.
I think there is enough evidence here to begin a theology. By examining Christ’s own words concerning what God desires, we discover something profound. God is more concerned with His glory than He is with our immediate comfort. But that does not mean He is not concerned about us! Because He seeks His own glory AND He loves us, He created us to find our joy only in Him and His glory (John 6, John 17). So He will bring amazingly difficult circumstances (baggage from sin, blindness, death and grief) into our lives so that He might strip us of our immediate comforts and securities and give us eternal satisfaction in Himself. In this process, God is glorified and we find our true happiness. He gets what He wants (His glory) and we get what we want (satisfaction).
Now consider that in light of the following passage:
Heb. 12:1-11 Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2 looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.
3 Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. 4 In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. 5 And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons?
“My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
nor be weary when reproved by him.
6 For the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
and chastises every son whom he receives.”
7 It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? 8 If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. 9 Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? 10 For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. 11 For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
God is seeking His glory first and He is doing it by creating people who no longer cling to the things of this world but cling wholly to Him for satisfaction (Isaiah 28:6). God uses discipline to change self-aholics into worshippers and it is not a pleasant process. Our hope lies in believing that blindness, sickness, lameness, death, grief and suffering are tender discipline. To do anything less would be to hate us, because allowing our idolatry would be allowing us to run headlong into despair and dissatisfaction.
One of the amazing things about the Gulf Coast post-Katrina is how open people are to God. This is counterintuitive. These people have lost every comfort and every security and the result is an honest consideration of the big questions in life. Why am I here? Who is God? Where is my hope? In a place that would have been extremely difficult to address spiritually one year ago, God brought the greatest natural disaster in recent American history. Today, because of the circumstances and the miraculous involvement of the church (the only productive entity in the region), many are soft to Him. Now we shouldn’t presume too much of God, but isn’t it remarkable how hardship can often be used for our good?
It is reminiscent of the book of Hosea where God sees to the destruction of Ephraim and Judah so that they might stop relying on things that can’t save them and find refreshing in Him:
Hosea 5:13-6:3 When Ephraim saw his sickness,
and Judah his wound,
then Ephraim went to Assyria,
and sent to the great king.*
But he is not able to cure you
or heal your wound.
14 For I will be like a lion to Ephraim,
and like a young lion to the house of Judah.
I, even I, will tear and go away;
I will carry off, and no one shall rescue.
15 I will return again to my place,
until they acknowledge their guilt and seek my face,
and in their distress earnestly seek me.
6:1 “Come, let us return to the LORD;
for he has torn us, that he may heal us;
he has struck us down, and he will bind us up.
2 After two days he will revive us;
on the third day he will raise us up,
that we may live before him.
3 Let us know; let us press on to know the LORD;
his going out is sure as the dawn;
he will come to us as the showers,
as the spring rains that water the earth.”
These are the words of God and, consequently Christ, who is the same yesterday, today and forever (Hebrews 13:8). When I look at these passages I can imagine a Jesus who would spank (actually that is pretty tame in light of death, hurricanes and tearing) but, and this is important, it is for our good. His intentions are tender when He disciplines:
Romans 8:28-32 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.
What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?
Now with that theology in mind the Proverbial wisdom on spanking makes much more sense.
Proverbs 13:24 Whoever spares the rod hates his son,
but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.
Proverbs 19:18 Discipline your son, for there is hope;
do not set your heart on putting him to death.
Proverbs 22:15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child,
but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.
Proverbs 23:13-14 Do not with hold discipline from a child;
if you strike him with a rod, he will not die.
If you strike him with the rod,
you will save his soul from Sheol.
Proverbs 29:15 The rod and reproof give wisdom,
but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.
You see our kids disobedience is really not a matter between them and us, it is between them and God. Their flesh is moving them directly into death and disconnection from God (their only hope for joy).
Proverbs 14:12 There is a way that seems right to a man,
but its end is the way to death.
Proverbs 19:3 When a man’s folly brings his way to ruin,
his heart rages against the LORD.
God takes that seriously and prescribes a method for changing their course. How can we love them if we don’t interrupt this foolishness and guide them to the glories of Christ? Wouldn’t we desire to use whatever means God has provided to do so?
Again consider:
Ephesians 6:1-4 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Our children’s disobedience sets them outside of the promise of this commandment. If I really love them and I really understand that God is best for them, then I will work to bring them back into that promise of blessing. I strongly believe that discipline (spanking) can be done wrong. It is wrong when it is done to make my life easier or to exercise my anger – that is absolutely wrong even if there is no physical harm. Kids can sense that anger, that pressure to conform to the will of the parent and it can be destructive, leading them to anger. That is why Paul specifies discipline and instruction of the Lord. When we don’t take personal offense at the disobedience, when we see this is between our children and God and when we share God’s desire to glorify Himself, we discipline and instruct in the Lord. This will include a heart that is warm and tender towards our children (in the midst of the spank) because that is God’s approach towards us. The result is peace, calm and the ability to love and reconnect after the pain of discipline. Kids are smart and they will sense that our discipline is for them not against them. In my experience, this has resulted in happiness not anger. A spank will correct their self-destructive self-centeredness and bring a peaceful fruit of righteousness – softness to parents and to God (again, their only hope for joy).
Ultimately this is what God is doing with our difficult circumstances – disciplining us for our good (removing idolatry), resulting in His glory. It is not pleasant at the time, but in every case where God has broken me and separated me from my silly idolatries, I have experience great joy in Him. The path to this joy runs through pain lovingly administered by a Sovereign God. May that be the model for the discipline of our children.
Mitch,
In Discipleship group... we decided to do a series about parenting ... the book "Shepherding a Child's Heart" was chosen as a guide. I just got a copy of the book from [our leader] and started browsing through it (He gave a "disclaimer" about the book saying it had mixed reviews and that he's not saying this is how we have to do things). Some of the discussion seemed to be right on, talking about how our goal should not just be to change behavior but to seek to look deeper to the child's heart for why they are behaving a certain way to be able to make true changes. I can understand this and the idea of shepherding--the staff would be the guiding, leading, instructing of a child. What I really am having difficulty with is the author's very strong insistence in regard to use of "the rod." I would interpret the shepherd's rod as the use of discipline and correction in raising a child. His interpretation is that this is God's COMMAND for us to spank our children when they are disobedient against God's laws. He does carefully clarify that this is not to be confused with any form of abusive behavior and must always be done in a calm way, explaining why they are being spanked, etc. I personally do not believe in spanking my kids, and definitely would not introduce it with a 10 and and almost 7 year old. Does [our parenting] class strongly advocate spanking or does it give other practical options for helping children understand there are consequences for their poor decisions. I appreciate a Biblical view for raising children, but I sure can't picture Jesus spanking anyone.
This is a great question and it goes way beyond the practice of spanking and well into theology. By definition, theology is our study or knowledge of God and it seems to me, based on that definition, that our theology may be the most critical thing about us.
Who is God?
With what is He most concerned?
What does He require of us?
How are his affections towards us?
Once we answer those questions, we can address the “how-to’s” in Scripture. You properly end your musing on spanking with “...I sure can’t picture Jesus spanking anyone” because it is a statement of theology. So let’s start there and work our way to the surface where the applications live.
One of the central contemplations of my life for the last several years has been the dynamics of my relationship with God. When I fail and sin will I be punished? When I am struggling, should I be trying to find the sin that caused my struggle? Isn’t the gospel message that God forgives my sin? Are there consequences to my actions or is everything random?
Now I want you to note something right away. Look at the questions I have been asking and consider this; who is the main character in my questions? Answer: me. My spiritual contemplations are about me. My sin, my punishment, my consequences and my forgiveness. My theology has been mostly about what God can do for me. But that has been changing as I read the Scriptures with new eyes. The gospel is about God – not me. My gospel has been a “Mitch-centered” gospel and that has allowed a subtle selfishness to prevail and has left me confused about my circumstances.
Certainly “For God so loved the world...” is true, but is that central issue of the gospel? We need to look at the rest of the book of John to examine this God and His motives. John is loaded with theology and answers to the question “With what is God most concerned?”
Consider the following statements:
1. The conclusion of Jesus miracle at the wedding in Cana:
John 2:11 This, the first of his signs, Jesus did at Cana in Galilee, and manifested his glory. And his disciples believed in him.
This first miracle was about manifesting His glory.
2. John the Baptist said this when his own disciples became concerned about Jesus’ competing ministry:
John 3:30 He must increase, but I must decrease.
By Jesus’ own admission, among those born of women there had arisen no man greater than John (Matt. 11:11) and John’s climatic statement about his own ministry was that Christ must increase. It is about Jesus not John.
3. In His dialogue with the Samaritan woman at the well in John 4, Jesus reveals what the Father is seeking:
John 4:23 But the hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father is seeking such people to worship him.
The Father is not looking first to bless us, He is seeking worshippers.
4. In John 6, Jesus is followed by the crowd who ate the multiplied fish and loaves and He proclaims how the Giver is much more than the gift.
John 6:26-35 Jesus answered them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, you are seeking me, not because you saw signs, but because you ate your fill of the loaves. Do not labor for the food that perishes, but for the food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give to you. For on him God the Father has set his seal.” Then they said to him, “What must we do, to be doing the works of God?” Jesus answered them, “This is the work of God, that you believe in him whom he has sent.” So they said to him, “Then what sign do you do, that we may see and believe you? What work do you perform? Our fathers ate the manna in the wilderness; as it is written, ‘He gave them bread from heaven to eat.’ ” Jesus then said to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, it was not Moses who gave you the bread from heaven, but my Father gives you the true bread from heaven. For the bread of God is he who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world.” They said to him, “Sir, give us this bread always.”
Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst.
This is critical. Jesus plainly states here that our hunger will never be satisfied in anything else but Himself. We will address the implications of that later, for now it is another building block in our theology. (A similar inference can be drawn from His statement on the last day of the feast in John 7:37-38)
5. In John 9, we encounter the familiar story of the blind man. The disciples were asking theological questions about his aliment but those questions were ultimately man-centered and Jesus corrects them.
John 9:1-3 As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And his disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.
This man’s blindness was not about sin, it was there to reveal the work of God. Very God-centered -so much so that one might wonder about God’s tenderness towards people if he allowed that much suffering in this man’s life so that He might reveal Himself. Now before that creates confusion, let’s just stand on that point. Our struggles are not necessarily first about us.
6. John Chapter 11 is one of my favorite passages in the bible. Here we see Christ’s tenderness clearly. Lazarus dies and his sisters Mary and Martha feel intense grief. Despite His understanding of the future and His control of all things, Christ enters their grief and weeps with empathy. What a God!!!! Honestly I would have been so impatient, so ready to stop the crying. I would be busy explaining how this was all going to work out without a shred of tenderness. But there is something very troubling about this story.
John 11:39-42 Jesus said, “Take away the stone.” Martha, the sister of the dead man, said to him, “Lord, by this time there will be an odor, for he has been dead four days.” Jesus said to her, “Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?” So they took away the stone. And Jesus lifted up his eyes and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this on account of the people standing around, that they may believe that you sent me.”
So Lazarus suffers and dies and his sisters go through 4 days of grief so that we might all see the glory of God? Add to this the notion that Jesus could have done something to prevent Lazarus’ death.
John 11:1-6 Now a certain man was ill, Lazarus of Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. It was Mary who anointed the Lord with ointment and wiped his feet with her hair, whose brother Lazarus was ill. So the sisters sent to him, saying, “Lord, he whom you love is ill.” But when Jesus heard it he said, “This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it.”
Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So, when he heard that Lazarus was ill, he stayed two days longer in the place where he was.
Now would not Jesus have been glorified by healing Lazarus before he died? Surely. But God is a fanatic for His own glory so Lazarus’ life was used for that purpose to the fullest, by raising him from the dead. This following God stuff really isn’t about us, at least to God it isn’t.
Well not totally. Remember that Jesus loved Martha, Mary and Lazarus SO He delayed His coming to them. This is counterintuitive. If He loved them wouldn’t He run to save them from this grief...quickly? Another piece of the theological puzzle.
7. Finally (and we are just scratching the surface in the book of John), look at Jesus’ prayer for the disciples and all believers in John 17. This is an important prayer on the night before he was crucified. How does He start this prayer?
John 17:1-5 When Jesus had spoken these words, he lifted up his eyes to heaven, and said, “Father, the hour has come; glorify your Son that the Son may glorify you, since you have given him authority over all flesh, to give eternal life to all whom you have given him. And this is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent. I glorified you on earth, having accomplished the work that you gave me to do. And now, Father, glorify me in your own presence with the glory that I had with you before the world existed.
This is an interesting way to start a prayer for others. That the Son might be glorified and give the Father glory. There’s more:
John 17:24 Father, I desire that they also, whom you have given me, may be with me where I am, to see my glory that you have given me because you loved me before the foundation of the world.
I think there is enough evidence here to begin a theology. By examining Christ’s own words concerning what God desires, we discover something profound. God is more concerned with His glory than He is with our immediate comfort. But that does not mean He is not concerned about us! Because He seeks His own glory AND He loves us, He created us to find our joy only in Him and His glory (John 6, John 17). So He will bring amazingly difficult circumstances (baggage from sin, blindness, death and grief) into our lives so that He might strip us of our immediate comforts and securities and give us eternal satisfaction in Himself. In this process, God is glorified and we find our true happiness. He gets what He wants (His glory) and we get what we want (satisfaction).
Now consider that in light of the following passage:
Heb. 12:1-11 Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2 looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.
3 Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. 4 In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. 5 And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons?
“My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
nor be weary when reproved by him.
6 For the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
and chastises every son whom he receives.”
7 It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? 8 If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. 9 Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? 10 For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. 11 For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
God is seeking His glory first and He is doing it by creating people who no longer cling to the things of this world but cling wholly to Him for satisfaction (Isaiah 28:6). God uses discipline to change self-aholics into worshippers and it is not a pleasant process. Our hope lies in believing that blindness, sickness, lameness, death, grief and suffering are tender discipline. To do anything less would be to hate us, because allowing our idolatry would be allowing us to run headlong into despair and dissatisfaction.
One of the amazing things about the Gulf Coast post-Katrina is how open people are to God. This is counterintuitive. These people have lost every comfort and every security and the result is an honest consideration of the big questions in life. Why am I here? Who is God? Where is my hope? In a place that would have been extremely difficult to address spiritually one year ago, God brought the greatest natural disaster in recent American history. Today, because of the circumstances and the miraculous involvement of the church (the only productive entity in the region), many are soft to Him. Now we shouldn’t presume too much of God, but isn’t it remarkable how hardship can often be used for our good?
It is reminiscent of the book of Hosea where God sees to the destruction of Ephraim and Judah so that they might stop relying on things that can’t save them and find refreshing in Him:
Hosea 5:13-6:3 When Ephraim saw his sickness,
and Judah his wound,
then Ephraim went to Assyria,
and sent to the great king.*
But he is not able to cure you
or heal your wound.
14 For I will be like a lion to Ephraim,
and like a young lion to the house of Judah.
I, even I, will tear and go away;
I will carry off, and no one shall rescue.
15 I will return again to my place,
until they acknowledge their guilt and seek my face,
and in their distress earnestly seek me.
6:1 “Come, let us return to the LORD;
for he has torn us, that he may heal us;
he has struck us down, and he will bind us up.
2 After two days he will revive us;
on the third day he will raise us up,
that we may live before him.
3 Let us know; let us press on to know the LORD;
his going out is sure as the dawn;
he will come to us as the showers,
as the spring rains that water the earth.”
These are the words of God and, consequently Christ, who is the same yesterday, today and forever (Hebrews 13:8). When I look at these passages I can imagine a Jesus who would spank (actually that is pretty tame in light of death, hurricanes and tearing) but, and this is important, it is for our good. His intentions are tender when He disciplines:
Romans 8:28-32 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.
What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?
Now with that theology in mind the Proverbial wisdom on spanking makes much more sense.
Proverbs 13:24 Whoever spares the rod hates his son,
but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.
Proverbs 19:18 Discipline your son, for there is hope;
do not set your heart on putting him to death.
Proverbs 22:15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child,
but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.
Proverbs 23:13-14 Do not with hold discipline from a child;
if you strike him with a rod, he will not die.
If you strike him with the rod,
you will save his soul from Sheol.
Proverbs 29:15 The rod and reproof give wisdom,
but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.
You see our kids disobedience is really not a matter between them and us, it is between them and God. Their flesh is moving them directly into death and disconnection from God (their only hope for joy).
Proverbs 14:12 There is a way that seems right to a man,
but its end is the way to death.
Proverbs 19:3 When a man’s folly brings his way to ruin,
his heart rages against the LORD.
God takes that seriously and prescribes a method for changing their course. How can we love them if we don’t interrupt this foolishness and guide them to the glories of Christ? Wouldn’t we desire to use whatever means God has provided to do so?
Again consider:
Ephesians 6:1-4 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Our children’s disobedience sets them outside of the promise of this commandment. If I really love them and I really understand that God is best for them, then I will work to bring them back into that promise of blessing. I strongly believe that discipline (spanking) can be done wrong. It is wrong when it is done to make my life easier or to exercise my anger – that is absolutely wrong even if there is no physical harm. Kids can sense that anger, that pressure to conform to the will of the parent and it can be destructive, leading them to anger. That is why Paul specifies discipline and instruction of the Lord. When we don’t take personal offense at the disobedience, when we see this is between our children and God and when we share God’s desire to glorify Himself, we discipline and instruct in the Lord. This will include a heart that is warm and tender towards our children (in the midst of the spank) because that is God’s approach towards us. The result is peace, calm and the ability to love and reconnect after the pain of discipline. Kids are smart and they will sense that our discipline is for them not against them. In my experience, this has resulted in happiness not anger. A spank will correct their self-destructive self-centeredness and bring a peaceful fruit of righteousness – softness to parents and to God (again, their only hope for joy).
Ultimately this is what God is doing with our difficult circumstances – disciplining us for our good (removing idolatry), resulting in His glory. It is not pleasant at the time, but in every case where God has broken me and separated me from my silly idolatries, I have experience great joy in Him. The path to this joy runs through pain lovingly administered by a Sovereign God. May that be the model for the discipline of our children.
Mitch Majeski 1:57 PM
2 Comments:
Hi, Mitch
This is an excellent and comprehensive theological interpretation helping christian parents who are doubtful in regard of disciplinging (spanking) their kids. Clear words! Many thanks!
Andreas
This is an excellent and comprehensive theological interpretation helping christian parents who are doubtful in regard of disciplinging (spanking) their kids. Clear words! Many thanks!
Andreas
Right on the money. My fiance and I are being disciplined by God right now. It is so true God will apply the pain to get the nonsense out of our hearts. We would be so lost if left to our own devices. Thank you for this blog. I hope to imitate God and love my future wife and one day our children as he has loved me.