Dad's Love

Trotlines and Water Moccasins

2006-05-04T22:15:00.000-05:00

I remember my dad and I setting out trotlines when I was a kid. For those of you uneducated types, a trotline is a line of hooks that you set in the river to catch not just one, but many, many fish. They usually have 20-30 hooks, so your chances are much better. In my younger days, the Paluxy River in Bluff Dale, TX ran a little stronger than it does today, and we were often able to catch catfish by the dozen on a trot line.

To have the best results on a trotline, you have to bait the hooks late in the evening, and come back early in the morning to retrieve the fish. (Actually, according to my dad, the BEST way is to go back at midnight, remove the fish, and rebait, but that takes a unique motivation.) Also, the best time to catch the most fish is early spring, when the water hasn't quite warmed up yet.

So in my 9 years of life, there were a few things I knew about the river. 1. It was cold. 2. There were water moccasins (and many other types of snakes and animals). My dad had actually told me a story about when he was baiting a trotline one night (that same year), a water moccasin swam up to him because it smelled the baitfish. Dad, guided by his headlight, hit the snake on the head with the bucket of minnows, and it fearfully swam away. "Don't worry Jobe, they're more scared of you than you are of them." Uhhhhh Huh.

So off we went at about 9:00 to bait the trotline. I couldn't wait to be in that dark, cold, venemous snake filled water. I remember trying to think of a reason why I couldn't go, but not wanting to disappoint Dad, I decided to brave it. The water was frigid (it actually does get cold in Texas), but once I got in past a certain point, I got used to it. So my job was to hold the minnow bucket (pronounced minna buckit), while Dad baited the hooks. At one point the water was up over my head, so I was treading water in my tennis shoes, with the minna buckit in one hand, the other hand on the trot line, and a bug-swarmed flashlight in my mouth. That's when I heard it. "Kerplop...." Something dropped in the water about 20 feet in front of us. It was pitch black, so we didn't actually see what it was. Could have been a frog, turtle, muskrat, etc. But in my mind there was no doubt that it was that water moccasin that Dad had ticked off earlier, headed straight for my minna buckit. Scared, cold, and shaking from both, I wanted out of that water so badly, I could see Snoopy on my blanket in my dry, warm, non water moccasin bed.

But of course, we pressed on. You really can't stop two hooks into a 20 hook trotline. I made it out somehow unattacked, and the next morning we woke up to check the line. I remember being so excited as we drove down to the river. The anticipation as we picked up that line to find it full of fish was pure childhood joy.

I thought of this story the other day when I was interacting with my oldest son Jackson. Even though he's only two, I am starting to see things through my father's eyes from years ago. This also has really pointed me to God, and His fathering of those who are called by His name. You see my Dad knew how scared I was. He knew how cold I was, he probably knew I was miserable, and was in the last place I ever wanted to be. But he also knew that if I would just hang on, just a little longer, that it would be worth it, and that I would experience so much joy in the end. He did this not only for my joy, but for his as well, because it brought him joy to see me so excited about the fish. But he knew that I couldn't have that joy, unless I braved the moccasins.

Seems like a simple concept, but isn't this just how God is? He has us in situations in which we desperately want to quit, but we desperately need to press on. We have to keep treading water, or we will never experience the joy that He's waiting to see on our faces, and that he so deeply wants to celebrate with us. We also have to parent this way. We cannot run around rigging our kids lives so that they never experience pain, or fear, or shame, or consequences. Of course, we have to be there with them to guide, and love, and explain, and love some more. But we absolutely have to have an approach to parenting that looks at the whole picture. It has to be one that trusts our Father, gives enough guidance and structure, but allows enough suffering to grow God seeking, truly joy-filled children. May this perspective be true of us as parents, and may our children, when they are grown, thank us for what we allowed them to endure for their (and even our) greater good.

Shakspeare, suns and a father's weight

2006-03-03T14:56:00.000-06:00

As I approached the mini-van in the garage, I noticed that Ryene (our 6 year-old daughter) and Hudson (our 4 year-old cowboy) were sitting quietly and waiting for their dad to go run some errands. I was encouraged. They were happy, singing songs and laughing and they had obeyed their dad quickly and completely.

Now, a father's relationship with his daughter has all the elements of the great love stories: a strong protective hero and his beautiful princess; strength and beauty. Something internal urged me to take this moment to remind her of my undying love. So I quoted the famous balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet.

"But soft, what light through yonder mini-van door breaks? Tis the east and Ryene is the sun!" A broad smile overtook her whole face and she nearly cooed in delight.

"Da-addy!" she giggled. We laughed together, I gave her a kiss and closed the door.

A father's relationship with is son is something different. As I walked to the other side of the van to buckle Hudson's seatbelt and close his door, I found a boy shaking in tears. There are times when you know that your child's tears are welling up from the soul - this was one of them. It took a few minutes to settle the boy down and, when I did, he revealed the source of his pain.

"You said sissy was da son!" he cried. Hudson heard that his sister was the s-o-n not the s-u-n. The same words that exposed, the greatest joy of my daughter's heart had exposed the deepest need in my son's heart. After some explanation about Shakespeare and homonyms, I gave Hudson the words that every son seeks:

"Hudson, look at me. You are my son and I am well-pleased with you."

Maybe through the tears welling in my eyes, maybe through the earnestness of my voice, most likely by the grace of God he read my sincerity and received my words. The pain and angst this misunderstanding had created disappeared. A smile rose on his face like the sun. Redemption.

May God grant me the grace to tune in to the rumblings of their hearts. There are deep things going on and, if I am self adsorbed and inattentive, I will leave them with a lifelong ache and a misunderstaning of their real Father.

Who Would Jesus Spank?

2006-02-09T13:57:00.000-06:00

Recently, I received this email - a great, honest pursuit of God's heart regarding discipline. My prayer is that this response will provide biblical clarity and insight into our hope in a fierce and, yet, tender God.

Mitch,
In Discipleship group... we decided to do a series about parenting ... the book "Shepherding a Child's Heart" was chosen as a guide. I just got a copy of the book from [our leader] and started browsing through it (He gave a "disclaimer" about the book saying it had mixed reviews and that he's not saying this is how we have to do things). Some of the discussion seemed to be right on, talking about how our goal should not just be to change behavior but to seek to look deeper to the child's heart for why they are behaving a certain way to be able to make true changes. I can understand this and the idea of shepherding--the staff would be the guiding, leading, instructing of a child. What I really am having difficulty with is the author's very strong insistence in regard to use of "the rod." I would interpret the shepherd's rod as the use of discipline and correction in raising a child. His interpretation is that this is God's COMMAND for us to spank our children when they are disobedient against God's laws. He does carefully clarify that this is not to be confused with any form of abusive behavior and must always be done in a calm way, explaining why they are being spanked, etc. I personally do not believe in spanking my kids, and definitely would not introduce it with a 10 and and almost 7 year old. Does [our parenting] class strongly advocate spanking or does it give other practical options for helping children understand there are consequences for their poor decisions. I appreciate a Biblical view for raising children, but I sure can't picture Jesus spanking anyone.

This is a great question and it goes way beyond the practice of spanking and well into theology. By definition, theology is our study or knowledge of God and it seems to me, based on that definition, that our theology may be the most critical thing about us.

Who is God?
With what is He most concerned?
What does He require of us?
How are his affections towards us?

Once we answer those questions, we can address the “how-to’s” in Scripture. You properly end your musing on spanking with “...I sure can’t picture Jesus spanking anyone” because it is a statement of theology. So let’s start there and work our way to the surface where the applications live.

One of the central contemplations of my life for the last several years has been the dynamics of my relationship with God. When I fail and sin will I be punished? When I am struggling, should I be trying to find the sin that caused my struggle? Isn’t the gospel message that God forgives my sin? Are there consequences to my actions or is everything random?

Now I want you to note something right away. Look at the questions I have been asking and consider this; who is the main character in my questions? Answer: me. My spiritual contemplations are about me. My sin, my punishment, my consequences and my forgiveness. My theology has been mostly about what God can do for me. But that has been changing as I read the Scriptures with new eyes. The gospel is about God – not me. My gospel has been a “Mitch-centered” gospel and that has allowed a subtle selfishness to prevail and has left me confused about my circumstances.

Certainly “For God so loved the world...” is true, but is that central issue of the gospel? We need to look at the rest of the book of John to examine this God and His motives. John is loaded with theology and answers to the question “With what is God most concerned?”
Consider the following statements:

1. The conclusion of Jesus miracle at the wedding in Cana:
John 2:11 This, the first of his signs, Jesus did at Cana in Galilee, and manifested his glory. And his disciples believed in him.
This first miracle was about manifesting His glory.

2. John the Baptist said this when his own disciples became concerned about Jesus’ competing ministry:
John 3:30 He must increase, but I must decrease.
By Jesus’ own admission, among those born of women there had arisen no man greater than John (Matt. 11:11) and John’s climatic statement about his own ministry was that Christ must increase. It is about Jesus not John.

3. In His dialogue with the Samaritan woman at the well in John 4, Jesus reveals what the Father is seeking:
John 4:23 But the hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father is seeking such people to worship him.
The Father is not looking first to bless us, He is seeking worshippers.

4. In John 6, Jesus is followed by the crowd who ate the multiplied fish and loaves and He proclaims how the Giver is much more than the gift.
John 6:26-35 Jesus answered them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, you are seeking me, not because you saw signs, but because you ate your fill of the loaves. Do not labor for the food that perishes, but for the food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give to you. For on him God the Father has set his seal.” Then they said to him, “What must we do, to be doing the works of God?” Jesus answered them, “This is the work of God, that you believe in him whom he has sent.” So they said to him, “Then what sign do you do, that we may see and believe you? What work do you perform? Our fathers ate the manna in the wilderness; as it is written, ‘He gave them bread from heaven to eat.’ ” Jesus then said to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, it was not Moses who gave you the bread from heaven, but my Father gives you the true bread from heaven. For the bread of God is he who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world.” They said to him, “Sir, give us this bread always.”
Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst.
This is critical. Jesus plainly states here that our hunger will never be satisfied in anything else but Himself. We will address the implications of that later, for now it is another building block in our theology. (A similar inference can be drawn from His statement on the last day of the feast in John 7:37-38)

5. In John 9, we encounter the familiar story of the blind man. The disciples were asking theological questions about his aliment but those questions were ultimately man-centered and Jesus corrects them.
John 9:1-3 As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And his disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.
This man’s blindness was not about sin, it was there to reveal the work of God. Very God-centered -so much so that one might wonder about God’s tenderness towards people if he allowed that much suffering in this man’s life so that He might reveal Himself. Now before that creates confusion, let’s just stand on that point. Our struggles are not necessarily first about us.

6. John Chapter 11 is one of my favorite passages in the bible. Here we see Christ’s tenderness clearly. Lazarus dies and his sisters Mary and Martha feel intense grief. Despite His understanding of the future and His control of all things, Christ enters their grief and weeps with empathy. What a God!!!! Honestly I would have been so impatient, so ready to stop the crying. I would be busy explaining how this was all going to work out without a shred of tenderness. But there is something very troubling about this story.
John 11:39-42 Jesus said, “Take away the stone.” Martha, the sister of the dead man, said to him, “Lord, by this time there will be an odor, for he has been dead four days.” Jesus said to her, “Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?” So they took away the stone. And Jesus lifted up his eyes and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this on account of the people standing around, that they may believe that you sent me.”

So Lazarus suffers and dies and his sisters go through 4 days of grief so that we might all see the glory of God? Add to this the notion that Jesus could have done something to prevent Lazarus’ death.

John 11:1-6 Now a certain man was ill, Lazarus of Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. It was Mary who anointed the Lord with ointment and wiped his feet with her hair, whose brother Lazarus was ill. So the sisters sent to him, saying, “Lord, he whom you love is ill.” But when Jesus heard it he said, “This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it.”
Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So, when he heard that Lazarus was ill, he stayed two days longer in the place where he was.

Now would not Jesus have been glorified by healing Lazarus before he died? Surely. But God is a fanatic for His own glory so Lazarus’ life was used for that purpose to the fullest, by raising him from the dead. This following God stuff really isn’t about us, at least to God it isn’t.
Well not totally. Remember that Jesus loved Martha, Mary and Lazarus SO He delayed His coming to them. This is counterintuitive. If He loved them wouldn’t He run to save them from this grief...quickly? Another piece of the theological puzzle.

7. Finally (and we are just scratching the surface in the book of John), look at Jesus’ prayer for the disciples and all believers in John 17. This is an important prayer on the night before he was crucified. How does He start this prayer?
John 17:1-5 When Jesus had spoken these words, he lifted up his eyes to heaven, and said, “Father, the hour has come; glorify your Son that the Son may glorify you, since you have given him authority over all flesh, to give eternal life to all whom you have given him. And this is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent. I glorified you on earth, having accomplished the work that you gave me to do. And now, Father, glorify me in your own presence with the glory that I had with you before the world existed.

This is an interesting way to start a prayer for others. That the Son might be glorified and give the Father glory. There’s more:

John 17:24 Father, I desire that they also, whom you have given me, may be with me where I am, to see my glory that you have given me because you loved me before the foundation of the world.

I think there is enough evidence here to begin a theology. By examining Christ’s own words concerning what God desires, we discover something profound. God is more concerned with His glory than He is with our immediate comfort. But that does not mean He is not concerned about us! Because He seeks His own glory AND He loves us, He created us to find our joy only in Him and His glory (John 6, John 17). So He will bring amazingly difficult circumstances (baggage from sin, blindness, death and grief) into our lives so that He might strip us of our immediate comforts and securities and give us eternal satisfaction in Himself. In this process, God is glorified and we find our true happiness. He gets what He wants (His glory) and we get what we want (satisfaction).

Now consider that in light of the following passage:
Heb. 12:1-11 Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2 looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.
3 Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. 4 In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. 5 And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons?
“My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
nor be weary when reproved by him.
6 For the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
and chastises every son whom he receives.”
7 It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? 8 If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. 9 Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? 10 For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. 11 For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

God is seeking His glory first and He is doing it by creating people who no longer cling to the things of this world but cling wholly to Him for satisfaction (Isaiah 28:6). God uses discipline to change self-aholics into worshippers and it is not a pleasant process. Our hope lies in believing that blindness, sickness, lameness, death, grief and suffering are tender discipline. To do anything less would be to hate us, because allowing our idolatry would be allowing us to run headlong into despair and dissatisfaction.

One of the amazing things about the Gulf Coast post-Katrina is how open people are to God. This is counterintuitive. These people have lost every comfort and every security and the result is an honest consideration of the big questions in life. Why am I here? Who is God? Where is my hope? In a place that would have been extremely difficult to address spiritually one year ago, God brought the greatest natural disaster in recent American history. Today, because of the circumstances and the miraculous involvement of the church (the only productive entity in the region), many are soft to Him. Now we shouldn’t presume too much of God, but isn’t it remarkable how hardship can often be used for our good?

It is reminiscent of the book of Hosea where God sees to the destruction of Ephraim and Judah so that they might stop relying on things that can’t save them and find refreshing in Him:

Hosea 5:13-6:3 When Ephraim saw his sickness,
and Judah his wound,
then Ephraim went to Assyria,
and sent to the great king.*
But he is not able to cure you
or heal your wound.
14 For I will be like a lion to Ephraim,
and like a young lion to the house of Judah.
I, even I, will tear and go away;
I will carry off, and no one shall rescue.
15 I will return again to my place,
until they acknowledge their guilt and seek my face,
and in their distress earnestly seek me.
6:1 “Come, let us return to the LORD;
for he has torn us, that he may heal us;
he has struck us down, and he will bind us up.
2 After two days he will revive us;
on the third day he will raise us up,
that we may live before him.
3 Let us know; let us press on to know the LORD;
his going out is sure as the dawn;
he will come to us as the showers,
as the spring rains that water the earth.”

These are the words of God and, consequently Christ, who is the same yesterday, today and forever (Hebrews 13:8). When I look at these passages I can imagine a Jesus who would spank (actually that is pretty tame in light of death, hurricanes and tearing) but, and this is important, it is for our good. His intentions are tender when He disciplines:

Romans 8:28-32 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.
What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?

Now with that theology in mind the Proverbial wisdom on spanking makes much more sense.

Proverbs 13:24 Whoever spares the rod hates his son,
but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.

Proverbs 19:18 Discipline your son, for there is hope;
do not set your heart on putting him to death.

Proverbs 22:15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child,
but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.

Proverbs 23:13-14 Do not with hold discipline from a child;
if you strike him with a rod, he will not die.
If you strike him with the rod,
you will save his soul from Sheol.

Proverbs 29:15 The rod and reproof give wisdom,
but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.

You see our kids disobedience is really not a matter between them and us, it is between them and God. Their flesh is moving them directly into death and disconnection from God (their only hope for joy).

Proverbs 14:12 There is a way that seems right to a man,
but its end is the way to death.

Proverbs 19:3 When a man’s folly brings his way to ruin,
his heart rages against the LORD.

God takes that seriously and prescribes a method for changing their course. How can we love them if we don’t interrupt this foolishness and guide them to the glories of Christ? Wouldn’t we desire to use whatever means God has provided to do so?

Again consider:

Ephesians 6:1-4 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Our children’s disobedience sets them outside of the promise of this commandment. If I really love them and I really understand that God is best for them, then I will work to bring them back into that promise of blessing. I strongly believe that discipline (spanking) can be done wrong. It is wrong when it is done to make my life easier or to exercise my anger – that is absolutely wrong even if there is no physical harm. Kids can sense that anger, that pressure to conform to the will of the parent and it can be destructive, leading them to anger. That is why Paul specifies discipline and instruction of the Lord. When we don’t take personal offense at the disobedience, when we see this is between our children and God and when we share God’s desire to glorify Himself, we discipline and instruct in the Lord. This will include a heart that is warm and tender towards our children (in the midst of the spank) because that is God’s approach towards us. The result is peace, calm and the ability to love and reconnect after the pain of discipline. Kids are smart and they will sense that our discipline is for them not against them. In my experience, this has resulted in happiness not anger. A spank will correct their self-destructive self-centeredness and bring a peaceful fruit of righteousness – softness to parents and to God (again, their only hope for joy).

Ultimately this is what God is doing with our difficult circumstances – disciplining us for our good (removing idolatry), resulting in His glory. It is not pleasant at the time, but in every case where God has broken me and separated me from my silly idolatries, I have experience great joy in Him. The path to this joy runs through pain lovingly administered by a Sovereign God. May that be the model for the discipline of our children.

Dads Matter

2006-01-24T21:28:00.000-06:00

As I have braved the halls of high schools all over Texas with my job, I have made an observation that I wanted to share. I have no empirical evidence, or UCSD research team study, but we don't really need those things to make observations about life.

This one won't surprise any of you.

After I present my information, I pass out a survey card. This card has the students fill out their name and address, as well as their teacher's name and their parent(s) name(s). As I observe the class, there are all the same categories that existed when you were in school. The jocks, the popular girls, the ditzy blondes, the punks, thugs, and whatever you want to call them.

Anyway, my observation is this: Almost without exception, the girls that are dressed provocatively, i.e tight pants, low cut blouses, tatoos on their lower backs that they show to everyone, list only their mother's name on their survey card. Moreover, almost without exception, the last name of the mother differs from that of the student.

On the opposite side of the observation are the girls who seem confident, cover themselves at school, appear strong and full of life. WOULD YOU BELIEVE IT? These girls list both the father and the mother's name, and they all share the same last name!!!!!!! I know it sounds crazy, but families matter, and FATHERS matter in the lives of our children.

A Christmas Prayer

2005-12-22T08:57:00.000-06:00

All Satisfying God, forgive us for making your good gifts a substitute for You. We are so prone to mistake the portrait for the person. Satisfy us with yourself...

John Piper, Pierced By The Word, page 20.

I hope and pray for our family as we celebrate Christmas that we would not mistake the gifts for the giver. I pray that our children and immediate family would see people whose lives have been distinctly marked by the birth of Christ, and a people whose highest joy is a closer walk with their God and Father, only made possible by the birth of this baby. Then I pray that our very next desire would be to love others by sharing this joy with them. This is our holiday afterall, and He is the point.

This is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent.
John 17:3

More Blessed

2005-11-22T13:53:00.000-06:00

"You yourselves know that these hands ministered to my necessities and to those who were with me. In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’” -Paul Acts 20:34-35 (ESV)

The net result of Christian conversion is the aquistion of a whole new economy. Giving makes you rich. Offering worship and offering love to our neighbor will in the end make us rich.

Certainly this new economy can only be preserved by the presence of God's Spirit, but our kids can experiencing the blessing of this new economy if only in just a temporary taste. This article is an example of kids who have tasted this new economy.

One of our jobs as parents is to introduce our kids to God's economy and to develop an appreciation for it. There are at least two benefits. The first is an appreciation for the life of God. It is a life of beauty and purpose that kids can appreciate. Second, over time, our children will develop a sense of futility in pursuing the life of God on their own. This life, clearly heralded, will shine light on the brokeness of their own souls. They will see their sin and it will beckon them to the Gospel.

Few things could be more significant than to steward the life of a child so that they really believe there is nothing better than following God and they need grace to do it.

All this presumes that we find supreme joy in worship and service. Remember it must first be real in our own lives - kids will not tolerate hypocrisy, even though adults often do.

Putting Down The Insurgency

2005-11-10T00:22:00.000-06:00

At the time of this writing there are two major “insurgencies” at work in the world. The first is the months-long insurgency in Iraq against the development of a new Iraqi National Government and the second is the days-long insurgency by Muslims rioting against the government of France. The choice of words here is significant. “Insurgency” is synonymous with “rebellion” but “rebellion” sounds so, well, rebellious and... bad. An insurgent is noble, standing up to oppression; a rebel is a troublemaker with vile malice on his mind. An insurgent can somehow retain his nobility while sawing the head off an innocent hostage or destroying the property of an innocent neighbor.

The world has descended into a madness of “formulations” - words crafted to ride the fence, justifying inaction. Logic has no room in this new way of not thinking. Words are often spun with double-meaning that make no commitments to fact or opinion. The safest and most popular route is to say something that sounds substantive but requires no action.

We must be sensitive to the affect of this prevailing lunacy on our own thinking. We are being taught this non-thinking everyday and it is especially tempting to apply to our areas of weakness. I shouldn’t look at pornography, that is obvious, and, yet, I still do –all the while applying my double-minded formulations that allow me to maintain the right to do wrong. Here I am the worst of all abominations – a hypocrite. A thinking person must commit to an opinion, which commits us to some action. It is here that we wish to squirm away. If I don’t have an opinion (if I don’t actually think) then action is not required. It is a pitiful existence toward which we all gravitate. “Did God really say?”

This double-mindedness is especially prevalent in the world of parenting. As parents, at least two things increase the temptation to not think. First, children are our pride and joy and I don’t say that as a good thing. So much of our identity can be connected with our children. I would love to present my kids to the world as perfect because then, of course, I would be perfect by proxy. Second, parenting requires my whole heart. Faith, time, resources, love, discipline and more are required of parents. I’m not especially happy about that. The ideal situation would be to have perfect kids without the work. Would you like to hear some great (and deadly) news? I can achieve this logically inconsistent goal by simply turning off my brain. Let me show you how.

Let’s say I ask my youngest son, Mac, to come and touch my leg. Mac, who has obeyed this command hundreds of times, looks me in the eye and quietly meanders through the living room. He takes his time, stopping along the way to point out a toy or flower and, when he finally gets to me, he slaps my arm. Recall that what I want is a perfect score on my "personal-sense-of-identity" and that I believe that can actually come from the quality of my son in this moment. I am tired from the day and tired of repeating this command. What would be nice now would be a daddy-defining, well-behaved kid without the effort. It is time for the frontal lobotomy. I start by convincing myself that obedience is compliance and Mac really did comply and the rest, well, just takes care of itself...

“I mean he postponed his agenda for mine, right? It has been a long day and he is tired...besides, I have been riding him today and maybe he just needs more tenderness and love. Really he isn’t a rebel he’s more of an “insurgent.” I should cut him some slack he’s a good kid. Maybe he didn’t really hear me.”

Why is this non-thinking? Because I can say all of this in light of the fact that the boy didn’t obey me, that is clear. If this tendency goes unchecked, the result will be a nearly schizophrenic view of my life. I become an expert at creating an alternate, easier reality. In my life as a dad, I see this most readily in the areas of my children’s fear.

Fear has its place in human life. I fear standing in a busy street and I fear being punished for stealing. That healthy fear is not what I am referring to. Israel was afraid to enter the Promised Land. Peter was afraid to align himself with Christ and denied knowing Him. This unholy fear is a lack of faith and is, consequently, sin. There are times when I have asked my children to follow me into something that has aroused their fear. It is easy to look at scared little eyes and say, “Well they’re afraid, certainly they don’t need to obey me if they are afraid.” But that would deny the fact that the child has disobeyed me and, therefore, has disobeyed God (Eph 6:1, Col. 3:20). I am tempted with redefinition of obedience because, again, it allows me to avoid acting. Before I suspend my logical faculties, I should stop and address the situation for what it really is. The child does not trust me, they are questioning my authority and, if I allow it, I am training them to bring that tendency into their relationship with Christ. I am not furthering Christ’s instruction in their life:

Luke 12:3-7 "Therefore whatever you have said in the dark shall be heard in the light, and what you have whispered in private rooms shall be proclaimed on the housetops."
4 “I tell you, my friends, do not fear those who kill the body, and after that have nothing more that they can do. 5 But I will warn you whom to fear: fear him who, after he has killed, has authority to cast into hell.* Yes, I tell you, fear him! 6 Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies?* And not one of them is forgotten before God. 7 Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows."

Clearly, God calls us to recognize His supremacy over all things first and, in light of His supreme goodness, to not fear the things of this world. When I give allowances to my child’s fear of following me, I am giving them a predisposition to oppose Christ’s instruction as adults.

This does not mean that I address this disobedience in a cold and calculating manner. There is a need for compassion (Matt 9:36,Hebrews 4:14-16) as I understand this sinful fear, but there should be no room for redefining the event, which allows me to remain passive. The child’s fear is rebellion and it needs to be addressed.

Hopefully a practical example will provide some clarity. Four years ago my daughter, Ryene, was home with me while mom was in the hospital with our then new baby, Hudson. Ryene woke from her nap terrified from the noise of a couple hundred crows in the towering cottonwoods around our home. As I tried to console her and calm her fears, something dawned on me. I needed to address this fear. Something about the health of her femininity required an assurance of daddy’s protection. Now to this point in the story, Ryene had done nothing wrong – this fear in and of itself was not a problem. The problem arose when I decided that we were going to actively address this fear.

“Da crows, papa – dem crows scah-wee!” she sobbed.

“Ry-Ry it is ok. Daddy is here and you are safe,” I insisted. “Now we are going outside to see that those crows are nothing to be afraid of and that daddy will protect you.”

With that instruction, fear consumed her. “No papa, no!” she screamed. Now we had a problem. Her fear had led to a distrust of my instruction and to disobedience that must be addressed. Trust me, this little blond-haired, blue-eyed cherub has me wrapped around her finger and I was severely tempted to give up on this conviction. Initially, I saw the emotion and I saw the trouble we were heading into because of her disobedience and my excuses began to take form.

This was a defining moment.

A double-minded, non-thinking rationale would have allowed me to stay passive and still claim some success.

“I know she said ‘no’ but clearly she is scared and now is an opportunity to show grace. Surely I shouldn’t push her beyond her comfort that would be unfair. Yes, that’s it – this is a matter of justice to a little girl. She’s a good kid and I’m a good parent.”

Thankfully, God spurred me on to finish what I started and deal with her fear and subsequent rebellion. So I picked her up and we headed into the heart of her fear – the front yard under the cottonwoods. My mission was to deal with these crows and have Ryene see it. My arsenal consisted of two wooden pizza paddles.

The girl was terrified and begging to go in. I set her on the ground by my side and calmly told her we were staying. She had a death grip on my leg when I began to slap those two paddles together. The first “crack” drove the majority of the crows away. Ryene’s countenance began to change. The second and third strikes left all but about 5 crows. As Ryene watched intently, I realized there were no alternatives now – every crow must be scared away. These five crows may actually have been deaf. Slap after slap did nothing to unnerve them. The stakes were high and I was beginning to question how this was going to end. Finally, after a flurry of blows and one paddle shattering into splinters, every crow left. I will never forget the next 30 seconds. Ryene looked at me with peace and gratitude and proclaimed “Wow, papa! Ur bigga den dem crows!” As I picked her up, all her tension had left and she fell into my arms. Several sweet moments passed between father and daughter when I realized that we had an audience. Several neighbors watched the whole thing.

I am certain of two things. That day, my neighbors became convinced of my instability and, that day, my daughter’s soul was served. Ryene was not allowed to let fear reign in her heart and to disobey. She learned that she was safe to trust her dad. For months following, she would address any crow with a defiant “Go way cwows, my papa’s bigga den you!”

Granted, these are small steps in the process of building her into a devoted follower of Christ, but I would have missed them had I rationalized her disobedience. It was critical that I saw the situation for what it was – rebellion. Sure it was driven by fear, but it was rebellion all the same and I needed to address it.

People who kill innocent men, women and children with homemade bombs and who saw the heads off of hostages are not “insurgents” – they are not noble. Nothing will change unless we can say clearly that these are acts void of any nobility. They are evil. Yes that will require action and some will be offended, but double-minded talk and no-action only exacerbates the problem (c’est France). Similarly, reinterpreting my child’s defiance (whatever her motive) does her no good. She is a broken sinner in need of redemption and I must address that clearly regardless of the action it will require. If I check my brain at the door and ignore the obvious, her soul will suffer as my life temporarily experiences ease. Rest assured, though, the chickens will come home to roost and I will see my cute little insurgent as a rebel.

May God give us strength to clearly, consistently and graciously deal with our children when it matters.

Don't count on help from Hollywood

2005-11-06T08:52:00.000-06:00

Disney movies were once a major event in American culture. The releases of "Aladdin", "The Little Mermaid", "The Lion King", "Beauty and the Beast" and the like were accompanied with an explosion of marketing and dialogue that captured the attention of families across America. Not so anymore. Pixar now dominates that market presence. Disney films are now competing with Dreamworks for a postion far below its glory days.

The marketing of Chicken Little reveals Disney is banking on a break out film to regain its dominance in the market, and quite possibly, revitalize a failing film market. This valiant attempt begs the question..."Is anybody paying attention to America in Hollywood?"

In this article, Brent Bozel reveals that despite a well-documented desire for family-friendly, moral and, even, religious films in America, Hollywood is reluctant to enter that niche. As a matter of fact, Disney is going to great pains to deny any relgious metaphor in The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. They seem to be distancing themselves from the very market that might dramatically improve their business.

It seems the Hollywood types and big studios have been wrongfully portrayed as money-grubbing letchs. They are not sellouts. Indeed they are zealous (dare I say fundamentalists?) in propogating their worldview.

Moms and dads, this is the competition. I hope you are eating your Wheaties.

God is bigger and he will give us the grace but let's not be fooled that Hollywood shares our interests. Whether with blantant or subtle attacks, Hollywood is faithful to its motivation - the destruction of the gospel.

A Vision for the Glory of God

2005-10-27T17:11:00.000-05:00

Motivation. It really all comes down to motivation.

First we, as parents, must be motivated by a passion for God’s glory. This is the one feature of our life as Christians that will remain in eternity. We must develop this passion. We must press on to know Christ and His supreme greatness above all things. Here, with this firmly fixed in our minds, we are free from the bonds of selfishness and idolatry. Here our parenting will not reek of guilt-ridden failure and contrived performance. Instead we will unite with God in what He desires for our children and His interests in their lives will become our focus.

Our great prayer must be that our children see our passion and see glorifying Christ as a source of great joy. Then (oh may this be) they will have a satisfying, bibical answer to the question “Why must I...?” and they, through suffering and comfort, will hold tightly to Christ comforted by the fact that they reflect His image and He will never leave them or forsake them. Pray and work for this motivation in your child and be prepared to be amazed by the presence of God in their lives.

A Tractor Beam to a Duck Pond

2005-10-25T14:59:00.000-05:00

“He’s fine.”

“I’m not comfortable with him walking alone, Mitch. You need to be closer.”

“Shelli don’t worry. He’s fine. He’ll come back.”

No sooner had I said those words, Hudson, our 18-month old at the time, made a determined B-line for the duck pond. This fabled duck pond was the centerpiece of Cabela’s front lawn at their mega-store in Sydney, NE. It was by all accounts a cesspool. A disgusting shallow body of waterfowl waste diluted by the fertilized runoff of the several-acre lawn. Our son was heading straight for it - imagining some ecstasy lay within that brown sludge.

My first reaction was to rely on my well-developed vocal authority. “Stop Hud! Hudson stop!” It didn’t take long to realize that my words did not have the penetrating affect I had banked on. I might as well have been speaking with the residents of “Poo Pond.”

Hudson still had about 20 wobbly feet to go so I banked on a set of wheels I never really had and, if I did, had lost 15 years ago. Totally winded from my grueling 40 yards, I reached Hud a second too late – we met in the pond. I remember clearly how horrified I was watching him walk into that pond without breaking a stride. He literally disappeared under the “water” a second before I jumped in. After some fishing, I grabbed an arm and pulled him out. He wiped his eyes, peered around frantically, pointed at the nearest waterfowl and proclaimed, “Duck!”

Just to go on record, my wife was right. He was headed for danger and needed to be stopped much sooner. Hud did nothing wrong, his dad did.

As I have pondered that moment for the last two years, several things have come to mind. We should all be careful to “listen” to the events of our life, as God’s intent is to instruct. This moment was meant to be a metaphor for the parenting experience in years to come. It has taught me at least 5 things.

1) OUR CHILDREN MAKE A B-LINE TOWARDS SIN
Hudson was doing what came naturally to him; he was headed for his destruction. Now, there is nothing theologically novel about that statement. We still believe that "nobody's perfect" and, inso doing, we agree with the bible.

David confesses his inherited depravity in Psalm 51:

*****
Psa. 51:5 Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me.
*****

Paul reveals the sin of all humanity in Romans 5:

*****
Rom. 5:12 Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned—
*****

Still to some this inherent wickedness in a child may be a important revelation. Others may be tempted to drift at this point, but ask yourself this question “Do I really believe that Junior is in a condemnable state of sin?” Honestly, do you see your child as broken - beyond human repair and in need of a Savior? Does your parenting practically bear this mark?

Herein lies the novelty in my metaphorical story. I didn’t see that Hudson had a tractor beam on that sludgy pond. Beyond any wisdom he was headed for the pond and his destruction, happily babbling along the way. I believed he would stop. That is the only explanation for my inaction. Is there inaction in your life towards your child’s broken tendencies (even the potential “ponds” looming in the distance)? It may very well be that what is intellectually novel has not yet burdened your heart. My child is headed for sin, because he desires it. That is the simple, terrifying truth.

2) OUR CHILDREN PREFER WHAT IS VILE TO WHAT IS TRULY BEAUTIFUL
I am not kidding. This pond was disgusting. Thinking about it today still makes my skin crawl. Hudson was all over it. Something about that pond was so desirable, so attractive that he was willing to throw caution to the wind and embrace it completely.

Now I can teach him how to stop when I command it, to stay close to my side at all times and I can even fence off the pond but these efforts will be impotent without a revolution of his desires.

The boy needs to see something different. He needs to see that his “natural desires” are foolish, temporary and dangerous AND he needs to attach his heart to a greater desire. This will guide his life while in and OUT of my presence.

I believe this is the primary task of parents. Help them see the silliness and treachery of sin and the Glory of God. Give them an appreciation – no a weighty passion for God and they will miss the duck ponds of life and reveal the satisfying greatness of God to the world around them.

The author of Hebrews admonishes us to all develop this in our lives with this analogy:

*****
Hebrews 12:15-17 See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled; 16 that no one is sexually immoral or unholy like Esau, who sold his birthright for a single meal. 17 For you know that afterward, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no chance to repent, though he sought it with tears.
*****

Sin is a bowl of cereal – temporary and unsatisfying. Our birthright, a worshipful connection with God, is eternal and satisfying. Teach them this. Pray they will see it. Don’t stop.

3) I CAN BE TOO LATE
I believe this is what traps most parents. At the pond, I didn’t have the urgency - the sense that I have a window of opportunity to direct this child. My tardy burden did nothing for Hudson. He still went in. You must engage with your child today. There are duck ponds, idols, "not-gods" that have grabbed your children’s hearts and you must address them.

What agony has beset thousands of parents as they have helplessly watched their children fall into the sludge? Have forward moving faith today and avoid backward peering regret tomorrow.

4) OUR KIDS WILL BE OBLIVOUS TO THEIR SIN IN THE MOMENT
Hudson provides a clear picture of what it means to be deceived. He was just snatched from doom and STILL focused on the object of his affection. Think of your own life. When sin has entangled you? When it has you are not thinking consequences, you are not thinking ruin – you are worshipping. Your idol has your focus and the only conscience that remains is self-gratifying at all costs. This is deception. This is being hardened by sin’s deceitfulness (Hebrews 3:12-13). When your kids fall in to the pond, this is their condition.

Wet and dripping in the pond is not the time for instruction. It is the time for eye-opening correction. The best thing for a porn addict staring in worship at his computer screen is not a break for some instruction in the truth – it is for his wife or colleague to enter the room, exposing and rebuking his sin.

Instruction must be developed before desire is conceived.

*****
James 1:14-15 But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. 15 Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.
*****

Here, a hundred yards before the duck pond, the heart can still be directed to worship the Creator instead of the created things. Daily instruction and renewal in the Scriptures, faithful proclamation of the greatness of God ((Psalm 78) and consistent prayer shape the heart before the tractor beam locks onto the duck pond. This is the development of wisdom and every one of us needs this, our kids most of all.

Incidentally, this is the purpose of Proverbs:

*****
Prov. 1:2-7 To know wisdom and instruction,
to understand words of insight,
3 to receive instruction in wise dealing,
in righteousness, justice, and equity;
4 to give prudence to the simple,
knowledge and discretion to the youth—
5 Let the wise hear and increase in learning,
and the one who understands obtain guidance,
6 to understand a proverb and a saying,
the words of the wise and their riddles.
7 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge;
fools despise wisdom and instruction.
*****

5) I SHOULD LISTEN TO MY WIFE
Enough said.

May this image of a boy, a duck pond, his passive dad and his concerned mother be a useful parable for your parenting.

Dennis Prager: The Feminization of Society

2005-10-08T09:28:00.000-05:00

This article by Dennis Prager describes one of my greatest passions. As a former teacher, in the predominantly female, predominantly liberal public school system, I have a growing concern for the young males of our country.

"As a result of the repudiation of Judeo-Christian values, we are witnessing the ascendance of the feminine in Western society..."

"..In the micro realm, the feminine virtues are invaluable -- for example, women hear infants' cries far more readily than men do. But as a basis for governance of society, the feminization of public policy is suicidal.

That is one reason our schools are in trouble. They are increasingly run by women -- women with female thinking moreover. Such thinking leads to papers no longer being graded with a red pencil lest students' feelings be hurt; to self-esteem supplanting self-discipline as a value; to banning games such as dodge ball in which participants' feelings may get hurt; to discouraging male competition; to banning peanut butter because two out of a thousand students are highly allergic to peanuts.

In a masculine society governed by Judeo-Christian values (which include a masculine-depicted and compassionate God), feminine virtues are adored and honored. In a feminized society, male virtues are discarded..."

These are some things that our young males, my two sons included, need desperately for a healthy life.

1. Involved Fathers who interact emotionally, spiritually, and physically with their sons, and who lead their families courageously through the confusing fog of our American culture.

2. Male role models (including teachers and principals), that make decisions and lead not by emotions, but based on rationality and an ability to see the larger vision for their family, organization and our country.

3. Female mothers and role models that are confident and vibrant in their God-given femininity. By the way, this is not someone who defines femininity as "same as a man." Moms will bring to their sons the nurturing, caring, compassionate side of our Creator.

4. Schools that allow boys to be active in the learning process, not sitting in a desk all day. Think about the diagnoses of ADHD for adolescents. What percentage do you think of those diagnoses are given to girls? I don't have to see the numbers to know that it is an overwhelming majority of males that are diagnosed. Could it be that the school system is the problem, and not the boys? Why has no one thought of this, and done something about it?

When I think about sending my boys to the public so-called school system, I am obviously concerned. Just last week I spoke in a class of juniors and seniors in high school, and one of the boys was a senior, ready to graduate, and was completely illiterate. The teacher told me that he could not even write a complete sentence, but will walk across the stage and graduate this spring. Who knows what this kid's situation was at home, etc., I'm sure it wasn't good. But the fact is that if I want my boys to get an education, it seems that the public school is low on the list of places to send them. But what are our alternatives?

John Piper on Daniel Schorr

2005-09-02T19:50:00.000-05:00

Was Katrina Intelligent Design?

September 2, 2005

"On his 89th birthday (August 31) NPR Senior News Analyst, Daniel Schorr, observed that President Bush had “staked out a non-position” on the debate between evolution and intelligent design. Bush had said that “both sides ought to be properly taught in the schools of America.” Then, with manifest scorn, Schorr linked the devastation of Hurricane Katrina with the concept of intelligent design: “[Bush] might well have reflected that, if this was the result of intelligent design, then the designer has something to answer for.”

No, Mr. Schorr, you have something to answer for, not God. God answers to no man. Come, Daniel Schorr, take your place with Job and answer your Maker: “The Lord answered Job [and Daniel Schorr] out of the whirlwind and said: ‘Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge? Dress for action like a man; I will question you, and you make it known to me. . . . Who shut in the sea with doors when it burst out from the womb, when I made clouds its garment and thick darkness its swaddling band, and prescribed limits for it and set bars and doors, and said, “Thus far shall you come, and no farther, and here shall your proud waves be stayed”?’” (Job 38:1-3, 8-11).

Who are you, O man, to answer back to God? Shall the pot say to the Potter, “This is an unintelligent way to show your justice and your power? Come, Maker of heaven and earth, sit at my feet—I have lived 89 years and have gotten much wisdom—and I will teach you—the eternal God—how to govern the universe”?

No. Rather let us put our hands on our mouths and weep both for the perishing and for ourselves who will soon follow. Whatever judgment has fallen, it is we who deserve it—all of us. And whatever mercy is mingled with judgment in New Orleans neither we nor they deserve."

Preach it John.

The Cultural Recipe for the Perfect Match

2005-08-28T08:04:00.000-05:00

The Cultural Recipe for the Perfect Match
By Charlie Meyer

Ingredients:
Take 6-18 young, tender, hormonally charged children. Prepare by removing moral beliefs and all respect for adults. Blend together sex education, MTV and internet. Marinate children 3-6 yrs in “their room”. Place together in an automobile one male and one female. Add just a dash of clothing and park in dark place for several hours at a time along with government supplied contraceptives. Add alcohol or other stimulants to taste. Let simmer. Each 1-6 months, remove one child and replace with different one of same sex from pool. In this fashion rotate all children through car in various combinations. Repeat for 6-10 years. Children are now ready to marry as many times as needed.

The Real Next-Generation Ministry

2005-07-20T11:42:00.000-05:00

As the data rolls in (Read "Transforming Your Children into Spiritual Champions" by George Barna), the critical value of whole-hearted, intentional parenting is glaring. Children develop their worldview and spiritual moorings much more quickly than most of us can imagine. If you are a parent and your heart breaks for a spiritually blind and hurting world, you have an outlet to make a difference and it is right in your home. The future of the life-giving message of the Gospel depends on the success of our efforts to impart a Christ-centered passion for the world to our children. If not our children, who else? The authenticity of our passion for God is revealed in how well it transfered to our kids - it is that simple.

We can someday look back at our lives with satisfaction, knowing we spent all for the Glory of God -nothing was left on the table. Our life story can be a litany of life change, encouragement and spiritual blindness removed but it will not happen without the "team effort" of our families.

*****
Psa. 127:3 Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him. 4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one’s youth. 5 Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate.
*****

Why are sons (and daughters) a heritage and reward from God? Because there will come a day when "they" (the family fighting together in the gate) will not be put to shame. Together, by the grace of God, they will bring great Glory to Jesus Christ.

Here is a more thorough treatment in audio form:
The Emerging Church in Your Home

Soli Deo Gloria,

Mitch

All You Need is Love (and a prenup)

2005-07-04T23:56:00.000-05:00

Chuck Colson: All You Need is Love (and a prenup)

"Love is all you need unless the marriage ends in divorce," wrote Washingtonian editor Kim Eisler. Then a prenuptial agreement is the best defense. He called the prenup a divorce insurance policy. Well, that's probably true but wouldn't it be better for couples to have a marriage insurance policy?

The subject of this article is worthy of many posts, perhaps an entire blog. My wife and I both come from split families, and both sets of parents split after over 20 years together. The first question we asked when we were dating was, "how are we not going to end up like our parents?" Divorce has affected, and continues to affect both of our families in many ways that obviously could not have been imagined when the signing of the papers took place.

Having only been married 5 years, I can't yet speak from decades of experience, so I approach this topic humbly, and carefully, knowing that I have many obstacles to face over the period of time I promised to my wife, commonly known as "till death." I hope that I will always maintain a spirit of humility and meekness towards marriage, never saying, "It could never happen to us." This is surely one step to maintaining a healthy marriage, never alllowing yourself to relax. (Naturally, this task gets more and more difficult the longer you're with a person.)

I'm sure the secrets to a happy, lifelong marriage, are much like many of life's other truths; extremely simple to understand, while at the same time terribly difficult to put into habit.

When you put two selfish, stubborn, sinful people in a marriage ceremony, what do you get? Two selfish, stubborn, sinful people, who are "married." However, when you add God into the picture, marriage becomes transcendent, far more glorious (This is one of the many reasons we oppose changing the definition of marriage). It can't be just about two people who "love" (such a prostituted word) each other. In a Christian's life, it should be about two people who love God and will commit their lives to Him and to each other, forsaking all others. This is the marriage insurance policy that my wife and I applied for 5 years ago. How much does it cost? Our very lives. Everything. I wish more couples understood and believed this before getting married. I pray earnestly that I never forget it. Is it difficult? Understatement. But think about the times when you've seen it done right. It is a reflection of our Creator, and a beacon of light in this dark, confused culture.

New Contributor

2005-07-03T13:54:00.000-05:00

I'm excited to let you all know that Mitch Majeski will be joining me in adding content to this blog. He is a pastor at Summitview Community Church in Fort Collins, CO, where we used to attend.

He has been a close brother, and friend of our family for around 4 years. He has provided an incredible example for many Christ followers in that he gave up a career in Civil Engineering (after getting his master's degree from Colorado State) to become the church secretary around 3 years ago. Since then he was appointed as Pastor, has impacted many lives, and continues to nurture the church body there in Fort Collins. I have not met many people with whom I connected so well, and shared with such passion and vision for ministry.

Mitch is the man after whom we named our second son, Grayson Mitchell.

You will be blessed to read the insight he will provide from his own experience of being a husband/father/pastor. He has three kids, one girl (6), and two boys (2, 3 1/2). He maintains his own blog at cornova.blogspot.com.

Albert Mohler: Etended Male Adolescence -- The British Verson

2005-06-30T20:30:00.000-05:00

Extended Male Adolescence -- The British Version
"The Sunday Times [London] reports that young British men are turning into "eternal bachelors" and the nation is turning into a "bachelor nation." In fact, men are marrying now marrying at a rate lower than at any time other than the most intense years of World War II. It's not that they are not having sex--they are just not making commitments.
These young men are not even cohabitating -- they are just living like irresponsible teenagers. As the newspaper reported, "While the fall in marriage is well documented, it has widely been thought this is because couples are moving in together instead. But the LSE [London School of Economics] study, designed to test this notion, found growing numbers of men are simply not forming serious relationships until later in life."
In other words, they are not growing up. A civilization that fails to encoruage its young men to accept adult roles and adult responsibilities--especially the responsibility of marriage--is sowing the seeds of its own destruction. "

The default mode of this culture is clear, and it's clearly not where I want to be, nor where I want my sons to go.

13"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it. Matthew 7:13-14

Radio (2003)

2005-06-25T10:51:00.000-05:00

This is a post from a good friend of mine, who performed Lyndsey and I's wedding ceremony 5 years ago. His blog is linked to the right, but it is mcryanmac.blogspot.com. He has been a source of advice, prayer, wisdom, and encouragement since I first met him in college.

"Radio (2003)

Last night I did something I've wanted to do for almost two years. I sat down with my 9 year old son and watched the movie Radio.

Radio is an important movie for me because it shows a very strong, masculine man who is compassionate. Often the two are set at odds, so much so that the term macho is synonymous with a lack of compassion. Yet this film shows an icon of traditional machismo (a southern football coach) who has compassion on a mentally disabled boy in his community.

My son enjoyed the movie in part because there's a lot of hard-hitting football in it. That's the genius of the story as a teaching tool for boys. It shows that it's possible to thrive in a man's world of toughness and competition, and still be compassionate.

I showed it to my son because the film portrays the kind of man that I want him to be; the kind of man I want to be.

The Book of Virtues taught me that stories are among the best ways to teach what virtue looks like; far better than rules. Rules fall far short of training in virtue. Stories like Radio can help teach boys and men about the virtue of compassion. They also can teach the vice of evil. My son could see the cruelty of some of the characters depicted in Radio and be appropriately reviled.

I commend the film to you.My Rating: Own It.

Incidentally, if you search for the word "movie" in the search box on my blog, you can read my past movie reviews."

John Piper: Fathers, Bring Them Up in the Discipline and Instruction of the Lord

2005-06-21T15:26:00.000-05:00

I subscribe to a weekly message from John Piper, who runs Desiring God Ministries. This was in my mail this week, and relates to fathering, so I thought I'd summarize.

You can click here to get to the full article.

These are 11 things that John Piper says are the "legacy of truth imparted to me by my father."

1. There is a great, majestic God in heaven, and we were meant to live for his glory not ours.

2. When things don’t go the way they should, God always makes them turn for good.

3. God can be trusted.

4. Life is precarious, and life is precious. Don’t presume that you will have it tomorrow and don’t waste it today.

5. A merry heart does good like a medicine and Christ is the great heart-Satisfier.

6. A Christian is a great doer not a great don’ter.

7. The Christian life is supernatural.

8. Bible doctrine is important but don’t beat people up with it.

9. Respect your mother.

10. Be who God made you to be and not somebody else.

11. People are lost and need to be saved through faith in Jesus Christ.

He gives great explanations for each of these, so I highly recommend reading the article yourself.

I pray that my sons will be able to say that their father imparted even some of these things. My heart will rejoice and I will know that I've done what I was called to do.

Now this is better

2005-06-18T19:04:00.000-05:00

This is a good article for the father's day read. Again, It's nice to see "studies" show us that what we perceive and know from life and wisdom is accurate.

http://cms.psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-20040726-000005.html

Sony: We Can't Stop PSP Porn Release

2005-06-18T11:10:00.000-05:00

Sony: We Can't Stop PSP Porn Release

Pornography producers will soon release sexually explicit discs for Sony's PlayStation Portable game console, most of whose users are minors. Two makers of adult movies plan to sell their products for the console as early as July, and several other pornographers are apparently ready to follow, Japanese newspaper the Asahi Shimbun reported Friday. "It is utterly undesirable, but we cannot stop software makers from selling such videos," a public relations official at Sony Computer Entertainment Inc. said.
The hand-held PlayStation uses the universal media disc, or UMD, format, enabling the console to play games or videos recorded on optical discs 2.3 inches in diameter. The UMD format, developed by the Sony group, can play moving images for about 120 minutes. Much like the DVD, UMD discs can be produced and distributed by any company.

If you don't think pornographers are targeting your children (mostly your boys), you need to wake up. It's predatory, and they know that the earlier that a child is exposed to pornography, the more likely he will become addicted and a lifelong patron of the industry. Fathers, this is one area that we have to be over-the-top and aggressively involved.

GOD ON THE BRAIN: Michael Shermer, Paul Chance

2005-06-18T09:59:00.000-05:00

This is a review of the book: 'Why God Won't Go Away: Science and the Biology of Belief,' by Andrew Newberg, Eugene D'Aquili and Vince Rause, taken from the Psychology Today Website.

The most dramatic finding in the book, primarily (and admirably) written by journalist Vince Rause, concerns a portion of the brain the authors call the orientation association area (OAA). The OAA, say Newberg and D'Aquili, is largely responsible for helping us distinguish between ourselves and other things. People with damage to this part of the brain have problems navigating their way around a room: They actually cannot discriminate between their bodies and the furniture. The researchers discovered that during meditation and prayer, at the moment when the monks were at one with the universe and the nuns felt the presence of a universal spirit, there was reduced activity in the OAA. Like patients with damage to this brain area, their selves became indistinguishable from their nonselves. From these findings the authors conclude "that spiritual experience, at its very root, is intimately interwoven with human biology. That biology, in some way, compels the spiritual urge."...

..Speculations aside, the facts related in the book suggest that religious experience is a product of human biology. Like so many other attempts to use science to explain religion, this one runs the risk of reducing God to a biological artifact: We don't believe in God because He exists, but because our brains trick us into believing that He does. That conclusion is fine by me, because I'm a religious skeptic. But it seems strange that so many believers embrace books like this one, apparently convinced that it somehow endorses their religious faith. They don't seem to realize that if we do find God in the crevices of the brain, He will, indeed, go away.

Ok, I don't frequent Psychology Today's magazine or website, but this morning I found myself there, in search of some great cutting edge research on Fatherhood and Religion. I found this review, by an "expert" in the field, who happens to be a "religious skeptic." I love when I hear people who don't believe explaining the beliefs of those who do.

It's easy to understand why believers are embracing these findings.

C.S. Lewis said it this way:

Creatures are not born with desires unless satisfaction for these desires exists. A baby feels hunger; well, there is such a thing as food. A duckling wants to swim; well, there is such a thing as water. Men feel sexual desire; well, there is such a thing as sex. If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world. (Mere Christianity, Bk. III, chap. 10, "Hope")

Plumb also has a song called "God Shaped Hole," the chorus of
which says:

There's a God-shaped hole in all of us And the restless soul
is searching
There's a God-shaped hole in all of us And it's a void only he can
fill

This is what led me to Christ in the first place. I continued to be disappointed
by the world around me, and sensed in my soul (and my brain) that there had to
be something more. I passionately pursued all things that I thought would
satisfy: relationships, girls, alcohol, drugs, whatever, all the things this
culture promised would satisfy, and I still remained thirsty. According to these
findings, there's a biological reason for that. Why would evolution leave a hole
in my brain that seems to point me to a higher power, when there's obviously
nothing similar in animals? In my brain is a desire for food, and food exists.
Does food cease to exist when I die? It doesn't take a Ph. D to understand it.

I was blind and now I see.

9:10 So they asked him,29 “How then were you made to see?”30 9:11 He replied,31 “The man called Jesus made mud,32 smeared it33 on my eyes and told me,34 ‘Go to Siloam and wash.’ So I went and washed, and was able to see.”35

Chuck Colson: Is Sexual Identity Malleable?

2005-06-15T18:47:00.000-05:00

Chuck Colson: Is Sexual Identity Malleable?

McHugh then turned to the practice of sex-reassignment surgery for baby boys with ambiguous genitals. For years doctors had told parents that that their child’s sexual identity would conform to environmental conditioning: They would happily grow up as girls.

But a study found exactly the opposite. These re-engineered boys endured “prolonged distress and misery.” When they discovered their true genetic heritage, most of them began to live as males.
Given that there’s no evidence that sex reassignment surgery helps either adults or children, why did doctors recommend it in the first place? The answer is that psychiatrists were enamored of the feminist theory that sexual identity was determined, not by biology, but by cultural conditioning. Psychiatrists went along with this, despite the fact that animal research had long shown that male sexual behavior is directly derived from exposure to testosterone in utero. And so, today, the transgendered movement is firmly protected by rigid codes of political correctness. You’re a “bigot” if you say that a person is made a certain way and can’t change his gender.

Well, thanks to this research, Johns Hopkins no longer performs sex-reassignment surgeries. But trendy ideologies are being used to argue for a host of feminist causes—like women in combat. When you hear them, tell people about the psychiatrist who took on the ideologies and proved that gender isn’t a preference or a choice. These psychiatrists found out, indeed, that human nature can’t be manipulated, that the Bible was right all along: We are made male and female in His image.

Wow. I love it when "studies" show what we already know. I'm glad that research is finally showing the truth is what the truth was. The article from Chuck Colson is linked in its entirety.

9 Out of 10

2005-06-15T12:33:00.000-05:00

From All Pro Dad: Play of the Day

"The London School of Economics recently completed a study that showed 9 in 10 children under the age of 16 have been exposed to Internet pornography – most unintentionally. That's disgusting. And you know, a good portion of those kids have hands-on parents... We have a free online Internet Safety guide to help navigate you through those troubled waters. Click http://www.allprodad.com/7internetguide.asp and take the time go to over this material. You can never be too careful in guarding your children against online sexual deviants. "

This is scary. Those of you with children on the internet have to protect them. Having no measure of protection is the same as letting your kid go into a room full of loaded guns without you there. The link above has some great information.

I'm a Princess!

2005-06-15T10:33:00.000-05:00

Yesterday my friend Nick and I took Jackson to the park in our neighborhood. It's not really a park for 14 month olds, but it's something different and something outside of the house. I can let him walk around and explore, and he's pretty well contained.

The park sits right next to the community pool. As we were letting Jackson climb and explore, a little girl came up to us and said, "I'm a princess!" She could not have been more than 3 years old, and she looked at us with a "Do you see how beautiful I am?" look.

In the pool area, there were several boys around 5 years old and under. They were playing king of the pool ledge, pushing each other off the edge of the pool into the water, and creating other competitions as they went along.

It continues to amaze me that there are people trying to convince us that there is no innate difference between males and females, other than their anatomy. I distinctly remember my college professor in the education department drilling us that, "Men grow breasts when they get older, and women grow facial hair." This was her "proof" that there was really no difference between the genders. Now that I know about the ridiculous bias and agenda that exists in the university, I understand what she was doing in her denial of reality. Please read this article about what happened at Harvard, and I'll leave it at that.

Every little girl wants to know, and be told again and again that she's beautiful, captivating, and worthy of being pursued. My wife, my neice, my mom. They all have this desire. Every little boy wants to know that he has what it takes to compete, and to make things happen in this life. These are the thoughts of John Eldredge, whose work has affected my life tremendously. Two of his books that I recommend are "Wild At Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man's Soul", and "Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul."

He has said it over and over in his books, and I continue to see it in life. Women are entirely different than men, and that's great! Who wants us to be the same, what fun would that be? Our task is to recognize, appreciate, celebrate, and rejoice in those differences, especially in our children. The way I raise my boys will be different than if I had girls (another reason kids need both a mother and father). Maybe someday we'll have a girl!

This little girl at the pool made my friend and I smile from ear to ear, and rejoice inside. She knows who she is, she knows she's beautiful and "a princess." Maybe someday our culture will try to keep it that way, instead of telling her that she should try to be a man.